A Much-Needed Perspective

Yesterday was Father's Day, and today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary.  These events happen near the same time every year, and we typically do a joint celebration.  This year, my parents and brother came to Lincoln to have lunch and spend some time together.

Mom and Dad stayed later than they normally do, heading home at around 5:30.  I was watching the weather and watching the clock, waiting for them to call and tell me they had arrived safely.  Superior was covered in red on the radar on the weather channel.  The television told me that Superior was in a tornado warning and that people needed to seek shelter in their basement.

My parents weren't yet home, but were driving straight toward the storm.  When I called, they were a few miles north of town and were speeding (literally) to get home.  Then, the sirens started going off.  My mom said she would call when they were safe.

Thankfully, the call came a few minutes later.  They were in the basement, but from what they had seen, things weren't good.  Cell phone lines weren't working, so we had to communicate via land line.

Here's a video of what was happening during the storm:



My mom was called for an emergency City Council meeting last night, where they met with the Emergency Management Team and made a game plan.  She along with the city electric crew worked into the night and returned to work early this morning.

It was confirmed this morning that the tornado was an F2 and had wind speeds reaching 120 miles per hour.  Here are some pictures courtesy of my friend Whitney at Whitney Huynh Photography.

This is in our City Park.  A tree fell on top of the band shell.

Many cars were damaged.

MANY trees fell down.

Some were uprooted.

Train cars were removed from the tracks.

Many roads are now blocked by trees.

Lots of roofs were damaged.

And yards are covered in debris.

Power lines were damaged... many are still without power.

This shed was completely turned upside down.

Here are some more pictures from my friend Brooke at Hi-Light Studios Photography:

More trees...

Destroyed swingset

 My friend Brady's house

 Then there is the flooding issue.

This last one is from my friend Houston:

This was her caption:  "the entire church sign was shattered...but the one thing left in tact was the cross on top."
 
That speaks volumes of truth.

When I talked to my mom over the lunch hour, she said that their plan is going well.  The American Red Cross has arrived and are serving lunch to the people who are working to clean up the town.  Only 25% of people are without power, and it is expected to return by the end of today.

We are so very fortunate that the only damage was structural... as far as we know, nobody was hurt in the storm.  In times like this I am reminded to count my blessings and be grateful for what I have, especially after being reminded that so much can quickly be taken away.

Thanks to everyone back home who is working hard to get things cleaned up and back to normal!

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Hi, my name is Allysa, and I am a Shopaholic.

A few years ago, I fell in love with the Shopaholic book series, which chronicles a woman named Becky who has a serious addiction to shopping.  She has quite expensive taste and is an impulse buyer.  She has maxed-out credit cards, but she can't seem to control her spending.

While I am not nearly as bad as Becky, I do have a shopping problem.  Last Thursday, for example, I set out to buy my dad a Father's Day gift.  It was my only mission for the day.  My first stop was Kohls, which is one of the stores my father frequents.  I considered some new shirts or a new bottle of cologne, but I couldn't find anything that suited him.  I did, however, find two pairs of shoes that suited me perfectly.  The two pairs of shoes are identical, except one pair is black and the other pair is brown.  That's how I shop.  I find something I like and buy it in multiple colors.  Another thing to note is that I wear a size 10 shoe.  These are nearly impossible to come by in stores, so I rationalized buying them by thinking that there is a good chance that they will not be in the store the next time I come.  A bonus was that they were on sale for $20.00, which I think is a very reasonable price for shoes that can be worn every day, either dressed up or dressed down.

Then, I sat off to the mall.  I stopped first at JC Penny, where my dad buys a lot of his dress clothes.  I didn't find anything there that suited him, but I did find a little black dress that suited me.  I thought it would be perfect for the wedding rehearsal and dinner that I had to partipate in this past weekend and could also be used for a number of other events that are coming up.  Also, it was on sale for $40, which I think is a very reasonable price for a dress.

I was on my way back down the mall when I saw that a shoe store was having a sale.  I have never purchased shoes from this store, so I felt that a quick browse wouldn't hurt.  I had been thinking for a long time about how I needed a good "in-between" pair of shoes.  Shoes that aren't dressy but aren't athletic.  I don't own a pair like that.  Or at least I didn't.  There was an adorable pair of Rocket Dogs that are plaid.  The colors are predominantly red and blue, which are two of the colors that I wear most often.  I thought they would be perfect to wear with denim capris or bermudas in the summer or to wear with jeans in the fall and winter.  Also, they were on sale for $30, which I thought was a very reasonable price for a pair of shoes that match nearly every item of casual clothing in my wardrobe.

As I headed toward Dillards and Younkers, I noticed that Bath and Body Works was having a big sale.  When I saw this, I remembered that I had just put my last bottle of foaming soap in my bathroom and that the soap in my kitchen was almost running out.  Soap, for me, is a necessity.  I am an obsessive hand-washer, so I go through soap pretty quickly.  Plus, the soap was on sale for $3.00 per bottle, which I think is very reasonable for a bottle of nice, deliciously smelling soap.  It's only twenty cents more than the soap I buy from Wal-Mart, which doesn't smell as good.  With a price like that, i figured that I might as well buy four bottles to last me until the next sale on soap.  There.  Justified.

After the soap purchase, I realized that it was well into the dinner hour and I hadn't eaten much that day.  So, I headed to the food court for some dinner.  I ate rather quickly and then took my new purchases out to my car and headed for home.

No Father's Day gift in hand.

So, my goal for these next few months is to be much more aware of my spending and to not be so impulsive about what I buy.  I will make a list and go to stores only to buy what is on said lists.  No exceptions.  Ready, go...

Brother with a Capital B

Today is my Brother's 22nd Birthday.

His name is Andrew.  In my brother's graduating class, there were only 9 boys.  Of those nine, five were named Andrew, so it was determined early on that they would all need nicknames.  My brother, because he was the biggest of all of them, was called Big D.  He liked this nickname, and it suited him well.  He was the biggest lineman on my high school's football team, and now he's one of the biggest linemen on his college football team.  The teachers at my school all referred to him as Big D, and my parents often call him that.  To me, however, he is Brother with a capital B.

I love the story of Brother and I.  My parents got married when they were 28 and tried having a child when they were 30.  My mom's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and as a result, she was told that she would never have any more children.  After being on an adoption waiting list for five years, my parents adopted me.  Within my first two months of living with my parents, my mom found out she was pregnant.  To her, this was quite scary, as her doctor told her that it was quite dangerous for her to bear a child.  I love it when God proves doctors wrong.

Eight months later, my baby Brother was born, and ever since, we have been best friends.  We are 10 months and 12 days apart, which I love.  We grew up together - we hit all the milestones at nearly the same time.  Brother was old for his class, and for athletics, that bumped him up to the teams that my guy friends were playing on.  Thus, throughout our schooling, we had the same friends.  I was never much of an athlete, but Brother is, and I have always been his biggest fan.

Brother was always the child that my parents worried most about.  As an infant/toddler, he was the climber, always getting into things.  As a young boy, Brother made a mess out of whatever he touched.  Sometimes, we would find him sitting in the corner peeling paint off the wall.  If he was outside, he would turn on the hose and get filthy while playing in the dirt.  As he got older, breaking windows was his thing.  He broke windows at home, at Champions, and at our elementary schools.  This kid was a wreck.  But, he never failed to give me (the good child) a good laugh!

In our adult lives, I am so thankful that we are more than just siblings.  I love that when my Brother needs to process through the first half of a big Husker game, he calls me.  And I love that when he has an itch to take a trip to Boston or Chicago, he calls me.  And when he wants to go shopping or go to go to a baseball game, he calls me.

Brother has a great sense of humor... he's hilarious, in fact.  He's the kind of guy that funny things always just seem to happen to.  Like here, when the McDonald's worker thought that he ordered ten 4-piece Chicken McNuggets instead of one 10-piece order.

He is also a hard-worker, and will do anything for anyone.  Like in high school when he'd go start my car in the winter mornings so that it would be warm by the time I needed to go to school.  Or when I need someone to take my luggage to my car after a weekend at home.  Or when I need someone to help me move to nine different dorm rooms in a four-year span.  Or when I simply don't want to go wash my car.  He's the best.

So, Brother, I hope that your 22nd year of life is just as great - better even - than the past 21 years have been.  I continue to thank God for bringing us together and making us family...siblings... and friends.  I hope that you know how much I love being your sister and how much I take pride in calling you Brother with a capital B.

Happy Birthday, Brother!

A Day of Good, Bad, and Ugly

Perhaps if one looks hard enough, one can find good, bad, and ugly in every day.  I try my darndest to focus only on good, but today, there were three big things that happened to me, one from each category.

The Good
Many months ago, I heard of a tuition reimbursement program that was made possible by a proposition from Governer Dave Heineman and the passing of LB1071 in the Nebraska state legislature.  On the very day the application was made available, I applied and had that manilla envelope postmarked.  I received an e-mail today which told me that I was awarded $2,975 for this calendar year.  What an amazing blessing!  Financially, come to find out, Masters degrees aren't cheap.  Thank you Governer Heineman and Nebraska state representatives for believing in the importance of well-educated teachers in our public schools.  I can assure you that I will work very hard to put our state's stimulus money to good work in the classroom.

Perhaps with the newly imparted knowledge that my Masters degree will bring, we will be doing less of this:

And more of this:

Just kidding.  I assure you that I can provide a rationale for what is happening in both of the above pictures.


The Bad
Another one bites the dust.

We received an e-mail from the Special Education teacher on our team telling us that she has taken a position at another school and will not be with our team next year.

I don't handle change well.  Especially sudden change.  It takes me a good deal of time to wrap my head around things and to mentally process all the implications that come with whatever change is occurring.  We just went through a round of interviews for Taylor's position, we might have to do more interviewing for Adam's position, and now there will be even more for Patty's position.  More than the inconvenience of interviewing, though, is the fact that there will be a new person to whom we will need to adjust.  I got really comfortable with the way things were, and it's hard for me to imagine what differences will come as a result of this change.

I firmly believe, however, that everything happens for a reason.  Therefore, I trust that Patty's new position is the right move for her.  I also look forward to meeting our new team member.  Perhaps this person will be an even better fit with our team.


The Ugly
I am a hard-core Husker fan.  And today, my beloved Huskers have opted out of the Big 12 Conference.

http://huskersgameday.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Big12map.png

And into the Big 10 Conference.

http://nittanywhiteout.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/big-ten-map1.jpg

Again, I don't do so well with change.  But I call this ugly because I think that things are going to get really messy back in Big 12 Land.  

I am not a sports analyst, so I do not have any credibility in terms of what predictions to make with what will happen with other programs in the Big 12 Conference.  By my calculations, however, I suspect that Nebraska basically just made a decision that will leave Kansas, K-State, and Iowa State hanging out to dry.

I suspect that the other big programs like Texas and Oklahoma will be just fine.  They will maybe move over to the SEC which, frankly, might be a more fair match for them.  In the Big 10, Nebraska will be a shoe-in for a conference title, I think.  We will be in the western division, which, I think, will make Iowa our biggest competition.  And I feel good about being able to take care of Iowa.  I might even be persuaded to purchase tickets to go watch my Huskers play a game in the Big House, a stadium which I have always wanted to see.  A game at Ohio State's Horseshoe might also be fun.  I've done the Texas thing and the Oklahoma thing, so some new scenery might be nice.

Academically, I think the Big 10 will be a good challenge for us, and in other sports, we might have a chance in the world to excel.  Our baseball team might even win a game or two up North, although they will be playing in cold temperatures until May.  Men's basketball isn't likely to have much of a chance anywhere we go (unless we would bump down to NAIA status or something), but the Lady Huskers, if they continue to do well, might be able to put up a fight.  The volleyball ladies will continue to be challenged, I think, but I don't anticipate that recruiting will slow down for them because of this move.  I do think that recruiting for other sports might pose a challenge for us.

I don't know what will come of all of this, but I do know that Big 12 or Big 10, I will always be a Husker!

GO BIG RED!

On Living Alone

It is the best.

About a month ago, on the one-year anniversary of my college graduation, I talked to my college best friend/former roomate.  We had the conversation that started with, "Remember where we were a year ago today...?"

I remember it vividly.  I was an RA living in Burr.  She was a resident living in Fedde.  She had moved all of her things out of her room save an air mattress and a change of clothes.  I hadn't yet started packing up my room.  After all, I'm the RA, and I get to move out whenever I darn well please.  Neither of us even wanted to participate in our graduation ceremony, but we merely did it to appease our parents who had waited all 21 years of our lives for this day.  We went out for McDonald's breakfast (classy, right?).  We rode to the Devaney Center together.  We took a few wrong turns on the way there.  We couldn't sit together because we had attended different colleges.  We talked on the phone through parts of the ceremony.  I have no idea who the honored speaker was, but I do remember using my time to catch up with several people with whom I had interacted throughout college.  Also, I talked on the phone with my brother who was seated somewhere up in the arena.  A boring four hours of my life that I will never get back.

 Leaving the Devaney Center, right after we graduated!

Anyway, I remember after the ceremony when we both returned to our dorms, Elie agreed to stick around a while longer before moving back to Omaha to live with her parents.  What was a girl to do in this jobless economy?  I remember thinking, when Elie left me for the night, "What am I going to do without dozens of people at my immediate disposal?"  I remember thinking that I would be sad, lonely, and bored.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Living alone is amazing.  So amazing that I have vowed never to get married or have children of my own, simply because I am not willing to share my living space with anyone.  Ever.

Yesterday, for example, I slept in until 10:00.  I didn't make my bed (and I always make my bed).  I didn't even bother to change out of my pajamas.  I made chocolate chip pancakes for brunch.  And I didn't do the dishes (and I always do the dishes).  I sat outside on my balcony and read for a few hours.  And then I came inside and took a nap for a few hours (and I never take naps).  I played music on my iHome throughout the day.  I made chocolate chip cookies and drank milk straight from the carton.  It was a great day.

When I had roommates, though, this lifestyle would not have been possible.  When I had roommates, it was my job to be the responsible and tidy one (because God knows none of the other ones were willing and able to do the job).  I swear, I don't think one of my roommates (who shall remain nameless) even knew where to take the trash or recycling.  Thankfully, I shared a bathroom with Elie (the cleanest of the three).  UNL provided for us a cleaning lady that came once every other week, and even she refused to clean up the mess that was the bathroom of the other two roommates.  I tried my very best to maintain order in the apartment and to stay out of the way of everyone else's day.  "Oh, you're having friends over?  Don't worry, I'll clean up the apartment.  And don't worry about me getting in your way, I'll go out to run errands or something."

These were my roommates, Mindi, Elie, and Krissy.

 This is the kind of mess we used to create.  In the above picture, we thought it would be a good idea to build a fort.

And when I was an RA, there was absolutely no time to myself.  My "free time" was filled with staff meetings and planning social events and making rounds.  When I wasn't "on duty," young residents were constantly in and out of my room.  "Can you help me with my class schedule?"  "I don't understand my statistics homework.  Can you help me?"  "My boyfriend just broke up with me..."  "I made a big mistake, and I need to talk to someone..."

 I had to plan ridiculous programs like this one, Workout Wednesday.

I would often return to find pictures like these drawn on my white board.

I was rarely left alone.

I wouldn't take that lifestyle back if you paid me to. 

Being by myself is the best.  I can come and go as I please.  I can keep my apartment clean and tidy, and nobody is here to mess it up.  Or, on the day(s) when I decide to not immediately put my dishes in the dishwasher, there is nobody here to complain about it.  And when I want to sit down and enjoy a good book, there is nobody around who feels like they may knock on my door as they please... nobody around who feels entitled to my time. 

Pearl S. Buck once said, “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being."  With all due respect, Ms. Buck, I couldn't disagree with you more.

Some of the Questions

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading a book which has shaken up all that I thought I had known or understood about my religion - about Christianity.

Again, I will say that I've never felt that I knew it all.  In fact, the thing about which I am most insecure is how little knowledge I feel like I have about the Bible.  I haven't memorized the Biblical family lineages, I can't readily quote scripture, and I certainly don't have the background knowledge that an ordained clergy does.  I will admit, however, that I had gotten into somewhat of a routine.  I go to church every Sunday.  I pray.  I read a daily devotional.  I read the Bible.  I do my best to do good works in attempt of "living the life of service."  I regularly give to the church.  I attend a Bible study of sorts.  In my mind, I was going through the "right" motions of being a good Christian.  I most certainly never felt perfect - I know that perfection isn't possible.  I did, however, feel comfortable with the things I was doing.  And I feel very guilty for experiencing that feeling of comfort.

A few weeks ago, my "Bible Study" (I will call it that for lack of a better phrase - we don't always just study the Bible, although it is always used as a point of reference) began reading a book by Philip Gulley called If the Church Were Christian: Rediscovering the Values of Jesus.  I will tell you that I am a skeptic by nature, so I take everything I read or hear with a grain of salt.  As we began to read and discuss this book, however, I felt overwhelmingly that this guy had a point in what he was saying.

The book is broken down into chapters that complete the phrase, "If the Church Were Christian..."  They are as follows:

If the Church were Christian,
-Jesus would be a model for living rather than an object of worship
-Affirming our potential would be more important than condemning our brokenness
-Reconciliation would be valued over judgment
-Gracious behavior would be more important than right belief
-Inviting questions would be valued more than supplying answers
-Encouraging personal exploration would be more important than communal uniformity
-Meeting needs would be more important than maintaining institutions
-Peace would be more important than power
-It would care more about love and less about sex
-This life would be more important than the afterlife

So far, I've only read the first two chapters because that's as far as my group has been assigned.  I can not read ahead in books which I discuss with other people.  If I do, I get myself lost and mix up what I read in which chapter.

Chapter 1
In the first chapter, Gulley questions how Jesus would feel about his divine status.  He even suggests that Jesus, as a monotheistic Jew, would have "interpereted such reverence as idolatrous."  This makes sense to me.  In Mark 10: 17-18,  Jesus scolded a man for calling him "Good Teacher."  Jesus asked why he called him good and stated that "no one is good but God alone."  This leads a reader to infer that Jesus wasn't comfortable with divine status.

Gully later explains that Jesus exemplified the priorities of God - mercy, forgiveness, hospitality, and compassion.  Through Jesus' example, he urged others to exceed the things he was doing.  Gully claims that instead of accepting that Jesus was a man committed to faithfully living out the priorities of God, we made Jesus God.  Gulley suggests that, "The Christian gospel ought not be that Jesus was God and we can find life in his death.  Our good news is that we can find life in his example - accepting the excluded, healing the sick, strengthening the weak, loving the despised, and challenging the powerful to use their influence redemptively."

This, for me, has been a lot to take in.  It does, however, make a lot of sense.  I can't find anything in the Bible that tells me that Jesus wanted to be worshiped for his good doings.  It seems to me that Jesus did everything that he did in order to please God.  I also have to keep in mind that the divinity of Christ is result of what was voted upon by the Council of Nicea.

Chapter 2
In Chapter 2, Gulley talks about the tendency of many modern-day churches to condemning the brokenness of its members rather than affirming their potential.  Gulley suggests that, perhaps, people are being turned away from churches because of the message that is being delivered to them week after week.  Gully seems to look down upon churches which have developed a "shame-based culture," using "weapons of manipulation, shame, embarrassment, and disgrace" in order to "gain followers, power, influence, and obedience."

I should say that I know several people who attend churches with such messages who get a lot out of that message.  I do not attend a church that delivers such messages, so I can't speak positively or negatively about them.  It's just a different concept than what I am used to.  What I do know is that, when trying to instigate a conversation with a friend who attends a "shame-based" church, I realized that I wasn't able to even discuss the topic because she has fundamentally different ideas of Christianity than I do.  Her ideas differ because of what she is told week after week.  I'm not saying that my church is right and her church is wrong.  Frankly, if any religion was "right," wouldn't it be Judiaism?  If Jesus was a Jew, why shouldn't I be?  I digress...

Gulley's whole point here is to "no longer view ourselves as wretched sinners, deserving of damnation" and instead "see ourselves and others as God does - beloved, accepted, valued, cherished, of infinite worth and potential."  Gulley desires a church that would motivate its congregation to use its God-given talents to go out into the world and do good works.  To live a life like the one Jesus modeled to us.

This has certainly been rich food for thought for me.  As are the questions my "Bible study" leader gave to us this week.  He ensured us that these were not given to us so that we may find answers but rather to stretch our thinking:

1.  If we are required to love our enemies, can we safely say God loves God's enemies?  If God loves his enemies, will he doom them to endless punishment (hell)?  Matthew 5:43-44

2.  If God loves only those who love Him, how is he any better than us sinners?  Luke 6:32-33

3.  If "love works no ill," how can God, who IS love, inflict or allow us to be inflicted eternal doom?  Romans 13:10

4.  If man does wrong in returning evil for evil, would not God be doing wrong if He were to do the same? (condemning evil-doers to hell).  Would not endless doom (hell) be the return of evil for evil?

5.  As we are commanded to overcome evil with good, may we safely infer that God will do the same?  How does the infliction of eternal doom (hell) overcome evil with good?  Romans 12:21

6.  If the demands of "divine justice" are opposed to the requirements of "divine mercy," is not God divided against Himself?  Mark 3:24

7.  Does God desire the salvation of all people?  1 Timothy 2:3-4

8.  If God can save all people but will not, is he infinite in goodness?  And if God desires to save all people but can not, is he infinie in power?

Like I said yesterday, I'm completely lost here.  Penny for your thoughts?

Feeling Lost

Yet again, I've failed at keeping up with my blog.  I really must get more in the habit of writing.  This small paragraph will in no way do my first year of teaching justice, so all I can do is vow to do a better job documenting my second year.  The past ten months has been a whirlwind of events.  Really, all went very well.  I had about 100 students who came through the door of my classroom each day, and although there were many challenges, all-in-all, it was a really great year.  All district-mandated objectives were taught, all assignments were graded and handed back, all parent e-mails were responded to, and I lived to tell about it.  Whew!  There is much that I will do differently next year, and I'm already looking forward to meeting a new group of students.

Now that my first year of teaching is finished, in many ways, I'm feeling very lost.

Summer has just begun, and this summer isn't quite like any summer I've had previously.  I'm not living in a college dorm working strange hours.  I'm not filling my days with a near-minimum wage kind of job.  I'm experiencing my first grown-up summer, and, don't get me wrong, this is way better than the summers that I previously mentioned, but already, I am bored.

Although this is only day two of my summer, I'm already feeling lost without the things that have been staples to my day for the past ten months.  Mostly, I feel lost without my students.

I love this picture.  I could have chosen the nice one that was taken before this where they are all nicely smiling and proudly displaying the certificates they earned for achieving honor roll status.  This one, however, sums up this class much better.  Also, it is worth noting that this was a Friday and it was "Crazy Hair Day."  I do not make a habit out of showing up to school/work looking like this.

I'm in a limbo where my previous students are no longer mine, and I don't yet have names or faces of the students with whom I can look forward to working.  My students were what kept me busy, both in and out of school.  During the school year, I always had something I could be doing for them... grading their papers, planning lessons and activities for them, making PowerPoints, responding to their parents' e-mails, reading books that they recommended to me - the list goes on and on.  While these things seemed mildly stressful and inconvenient during the year, I actually miss them.  And more than I miss doing the work, I miss the kids.

Although the pictures might indicate otherwise, we really did get some learning done this year.

I enjoyed coming home after school and recounting the funny comments the students had made throughout the day or remembering the really great moments of teaching and learning that had happened during the day.

Secondly, I'm feeling lost without my co-workers.  The last day of school was bitter-sweet, not only becuase I was saying goodbye to my students, but because I was saying goodbye to a group of co-workers that has been more like family to me than anything else.  Barbara, our team leader, said to us (while fighting back tears) that in her more than thirty years of teaching experience, this has been the best team with which she has worked.  And I believe her... we all do.  Our administrators definitely knew what they were doing when they designed our team.  We worked incredibly well together, and always had each other's back.  There was no fighting or drama... not even really a disagreement.  It's hard for me to even think back to last summer at about this time when we were all meeting for the first time, but I remember thinking even then that this was going to be a group of people that was going to blend well together.  And my expectations were far surpassed.  We became friends outside of work, most of the time spending at least one day or night of our weekend together.

Some of us even began graduate school together.  In thinking about who my closest friends are, my co-workers and teammates would be some of the first people I would mention.  It's hard to imagine returning to school in the fall and not having the same team there waiting for me.  Adam has taken a 5th grade teaching position at Kooser Elementary, which will drastically change the dynamic of our team.  Taylor got her job back, but may or may not be on our team, depending on who Adam's replacement is.  I'm very thankful to have had the great year together that we did - it was a year that I will never forget.  At the same time, I'm nervous about the unexpected year that is to come, given the changes that are and will be taking place.

Lastly, I'm feeling lost in my faith.  I've been reading some books and engaging in some discussions that have really challenged my thinking and my beliefs.  Don't get me wrong, I've never ever felt like I've had everything figured out in terms of religion or faith, but for the first time in my life, I am having doubts.  I don't doubt at all that there is a God, but I have doubts about much of what I have been taught to believe.  I'm frustrated with all the questions that I have and I'm ashamed for having questions or doubts at all.  More to come on that topic.

Cartoonist Jhonen Vasquez once said, "There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it."  So, as my summer begins, in attempt to "do something about it," I'll be working on lesson plans for next year, planning an outing or two with my co-workers, and continuing to explore my faith and beliefs.  Perhaps this summer won't be so boring after all.