The Real Meaning of Christmas

I love the Advent season.  But it has completely passed me by this year.

Rather, I have allowed it to pass me by.

Advent is meant to be a time of anticipation and preparation.  Admittedly, I have been anticipating and preparing for the wrong things.  I have been anticipating the break from school, holiday gatherings with friends and family, and going home.  I have been preparing by decorating a Christmas tree, baking cookies, and buying presents.

I have been doing all of the things that Christmas should not be about.

In my Bible study this morning, we pulled out a devotional book entitled Simply Wait:  Cultivating Stillness in the Season of Advent.  Since today was the fourth Sunday in Advent, we focused on that chapter - the chapter about obedience.

I have not been very obedient as of late.

Our wonderful leader Dr. Gene Armstrong quoted a song by asking us, "Where is the line for Jesus?"  He commented that everywhere you look, there are lines for Santa and check-out lines for buying presents, but you are hard-pressed to find any evidence that Jesus has anything to do with this holiday.

It's sad, but he's right.

I'm so grateful that today's church service re-focused me.  As we lit the fourth candle on the Advent wreath, I was reminded of the previous three candles - of hope, preparation, and joy - and was given my focus for the week - the candle of love.

Today was also our church's Chrismas pagaent.  I thoroughly enjoyed hearing the children speak about and sing about the birth of our Savior.

I've got seven days until the Christ candle is lit, and I fully intend to make the most of those seven days - having hope, preparing, sharing joy, and loving.

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David.  The virgin's name was Mary.  The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.  But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.  You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

-Luke 1:26–38

Some of the Questions

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading a book which has shaken up all that I thought I had known or understood about my religion - about Christianity.

Again, I will say that I've never felt that I knew it all.  In fact, the thing about which I am most insecure is how little knowledge I feel like I have about the Bible.  I haven't memorized the Biblical family lineages, I can't readily quote scripture, and I certainly don't have the background knowledge that an ordained clergy does.  I will admit, however, that I had gotten into somewhat of a routine.  I go to church every Sunday.  I pray.  I read a daily devotional.  I read the Bible.  I do my best to do good works in attempt of "living the life of service."  I regularly give to the church.  I attend a Bible study of sorts.  In my mind, I was going through the "right" motions of being a good Christian.  I most certainly never felt perfect - I know that perfection isn't possible.  I did, however, feel comfortable with the things I was doing.  And I feel very guilty for experiencing that feeling of comfort.

A few weeks ago, my "Bible Study" (I will call it that for lack of a better phrase - we don't always just study the Bible, although it is always used as a point of reference) began reading a book by Philip Gulley called If the Church Were Christian: Rediscovering the Values of Jesus.  I will tell you that I am a skeptic by nature, so I take everything I read or hear with a grain of salt.  As we began to read and discuss this book, however, I felt overwhelmingly that this guy had a point in what he was saying.

The book is broken down into chapters that complete the phrase, "If the Church Were Christian..."  They are as follows:

If the Church were Christian,
-Jesus would be a model for living rather than an object of worship
-Affirming our potential would be more important than condemning our brokenness
-Reconciliation would be valued over judgment
-Gracious behavior would be more important than right belief
-Inviting questions would be valued more than supplying answers
-Encouraging personal exploration would be more important than communal uniformity
-Meeting needs would be more important than maintaining institutions
-Peace would be more important than power
-It would care more about love and less about sex
-This life would be more important than the afterlife

So far, I've only read the first two chapters because that's as far as my group has been assigned.  I can not read ahead in books which I discuss with other people.  If I do, I get myself lost and mix up what I read in which chapter.

Chapter 1
In the first chapter, Gulley questions how Jesus would feel about his divine status.  He even suggests that Jesus, as a monotheistic Jew, would have "interpereted such reverence as idolatrous."  This makes sense to me.  In Mark 10: 17-18,  Jesus scolded a man for calling him "Good Teacher."  Jesus asked why he called him good and stated that "no one is good but God alone."  This leads a reader to infer that Jesus wasn't comfortable with divine status.

Gully later explains that Jesus exemplified the priorities of God - mercy, forgiveness, hospitality, and compassion.  Through Jesus' example, he urged others to exceed the things he was doing.  Gully claims that instead of accepting that Jesus was a man committed to faithfully living out the priorities of God, we made Jesus God.  Gulley suggests that, "The Christian gospel ought not be that Jesus was God and we can find life in his death.  Our good news is that we can find life in his example - accepting the excluded, healing the sick, strengthening the weak, loving the despised, and challenging the powerful to use their influence redemptively."

This, for me, has been a lot to take in.  It does, however, make a lot of sense.  I can't find anything in the Bible that tells me that Jesus wanted to be worshiped for his good doings.  It seems to me that Jesus did everything that he did in order to please God.  I also have to keep in mind that the divinity of Christ is result of what was voted upon by the Council of Nicea.

Chapter 2
In Chapter 2, Gulley talks about the tendency of many modern-day churches to condemning the brokenness of its members rather than affirming their potential.  Gulley suggests that, perhaps, people are being turned away from churches because of the message that is being delivered to them week after week.  Gully seems to look down upon churches which have developed a "shame-based culture," using "weapons of manipulation, shame, embarrassment, and disgrace" in order to "gain followers, power, influence, and obedience."

I should say that I know several people who attend churches with such messages who get a lot out of that message.  I do not attend a church that delivers such messages, so I can't speak positively or negatively about them.  It's just a different concept than what I am used to.  What I do know is that, when trying to instigate a conversation with a friend who attends a "shame-based" church, I realized that I wasn't able to even discuss the topic because she has fundamentally different ideas of Christianity than I do.  Her ideas differ because of what she is told week after week.  I'm not saying that my church is right and her church is wrong.  Frankly, if any religion was "right," wouldn't it be Judiaism?  If Jesus was a Jew, why shouldn't I be?  I digress...

Gulley's whole point here is to "no longer view ourselves as wretched sinners, deserving of damnation" and instead "see ourselves and others as God does - beloved, accepted, valued, cherished, of infinite worth and potential."  Gulley desires a church that would motivate its congregation to use its God-given talents to go out into the world and do good works.  To live a life like the one Jesus modeled to us.

This has certainly been rich food for thought for me.  As are the questions my "Bible study" leader gave to us this week.  He ensured us that these were not given to us so that we may find answers but rather to stretch our thinking:

1.  If we are required to love our enemies, can we safely say God loves God's enemies?  If God loves his enemies, will he doom them to endless punishment (hell)?  Matthew 5:43-44

2.  If God loves only those who love Him, how is he any better than us sinners?  Luke 6:32-33

3.  If "love works no ill," how can God, who IS love, inflict or allow us to be inflicted eternal doom?  Romans 13:10

4.  If man does wrong in returning evil for evil, would not God be doing wrong if He were to do the same? (condemning evil-doers to hell).  Would not endless doom (hell) be the return of evil for evil?

5.  As we are commanded to overcome evil with good, may we safely infer that God will do the same?  How does the infliction of eternal doom (hell) overcome evil with good?  Romans 12:21

6.  If the demands of "divine justice" are opposed to the requirements of "divine mercy," is not God divided against Himself?  Mark 3:24

7.  Does God desire the salvation of all people?  1 Timothy 2:3-4

8.  If God can save all people but will not, is he infinite in goodness?  And if God desires to save all people but can not, is he infinie in power?

Like I said yesterday, I'm completely lost here.  Penny for your thoughts?

Feeling Lost

Yet again, I've failed at keeping up with my blog.  I really must get more in the habit of writing.  This small paragraph will in no way do my first year of teaching justice, so all I can do is vow to do a better job documenting my second year.  The past ten months has been a whirlwind of events.  Really, all went very well.  I had about 100 students who came through the door of my classroom each day, and although there were many challenges, all-in-all, it was a really great year.  All district-mandated objectives were taught, all assignments were graded and handed back, all parent e-mails were responded to, and I lived to tell about it.  Whew!  There is much that I will do differently next year, and I'm already looking forward to meeting a new group of students.

Now that my first year of teaching is finished, in many ways, I'm feeling very lost.

Summer has just begun, and this summer isn't quite like any summer I've had previously.  I'm not living in a college dorm working strange hours.  I'm not filling my days with a near-minimum wage kind of job.  I'm experiencing my first grown-up summer, and, don't get me wrong, this is way better than the summers that I previously mentioned, but already, I am bored.

Although this is only day two of my summer, I'm already feeling lost without the things that have been staples to my day for the past ten months.  Mostly, I feel lost without my students.

I love this picture.  I could have chosen the nice one that was taken before this where they are all nicely smiling and proudly displaying the certificates they earned for achieving honor roll status.  This one, however, sums up this class much better.  Also, it is worth noting that this was a Friday and it was "Crazy Hair Day."  I do not make a habit out of showing up to school/work looking like this.

I'm in a limbo where my previous students are no longer mine, and I don't yet have names or faces of the students with whom I can look forward to working.  My students were what kept me busy, both in and out of school.  During the school year, I always had something I could be doing for them... grading their papers, planning lessons and activities for them, making PowerPoints, responding to their parents' e-mails, reading books that they recommended to me - the list goes on and on.  While these things seemed mildly stressful and inconvenient during the year, I actually miss them.  And more than I miss doing the work, I miss the kids.

Although the pictures might indicate otherwise, we really did get some learning done this year.

I enjoyed coming home after school and recounting the funny comments the students had made throughout the day or remembering the really great moments of teaching and learning that had happened during the day.

Secondly, I'm feeling lost without my co-workers.  The last day of school was bitter-sweet, not only becuase I was saying goodbye to my students, but because I was saying goodbye to a group of co-workers that has been more like family to me than anything else.  Barbara, our team leader, said to us (while fighting back tears) that in her more than thirty years of teaching experience, this has been the best team with which she has worked.  And I believe her... we all do.  Our administrators definitely knew what they were doing when they designed our team.  We worked incredibly well together, and always had each other's back.  There was no fighting or drama... not even really a disagreement.  It's hard for me to even think back to last summer at about this time when we were all meeting for the first time, but I remember thinking even then that this was going to be a group of people that was going to blend well together.  And my expectations were far surpassed.  We became friends outside of work, most of the time spending at least one day or night of our weekend together.

Some of us even began graduate school together.  In thinking about who my closest friends are, my co-workers and teammates would be some of the first people I would mention.  It's hard to imagine returning to school in the fall and not having the same team there waiting for me.  Adam has taken a 5th grade teaching position at Kooser Elementary, which will drastically change the dynamic of our team.  Taylor got her job back, but may or may not be on our team, depending on who Adam's replacement is.  I'm very thankful to have had the great year together that we did - it was a year that I will never forget.  At the same time, I'm nervous about the unexpected year that is to come, given the changes that are and will be taking place.

Lastly, I'm feeling lost in my faith.  I've been reading some books and engaging in some discussions that have really challenged my thinking and my beliefs.  Don't get me wrong, I've never ever felt like I've had everything figured out in terms of religion or faith, but for the first time in my life, I am having doubts.  I don't doubt at all that there is a God, but I have doubts about much of what I have been taught to believe.  I'm frustrated with all the questions that I have and I'm ashamed for having questions or doubts at all.  More to come on that topic.

Cartoonist Jhonen Vasquez once said, "There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it."  So, as my summer begins, in attempt to "do something about it," I'll be working on lesson plans for next year, planning an outing or two with my co-workers, and continuing to explore my faith and beliefs.  Perhaps this summer won't be so boring after all.