Feeling Lost

Yet again, I've failed at keeping up with my blog.  I really must get more in the habit of writing.  This small paragraph will in no way do my first year of teaching justice, so all I can do is vow to do a better job documenting my second year.  The past ten months has been a whirlwind of events.  Really, all went very well.  I had about 100 students who came through the door of my classroom each day, and although there were many challenges, all-in-all, it was a really great year.  All district-mandated objectives were taught, all assignments were graded and handed back, all parent e-mails were responded to, and I lived to tell about it.  Whew!  There is much that I will do differently next year, and I'm already looking forward to meeting a new group of students.

Now that my first year of teaching is finished, in many ways, I'm feeling very lost.

Summer has just begun, and this summer isn't quite like any summer I've had previously.  I'm not living in a college dorm working strange hours.  I'm not filling my days with a near-minimum wage kind of job.  I'm experiencing my first grown-up summer, and, don't get me wrong, this is way better than the summers that I previously mentioned, but already, I am bored.

Although this is only day two of my summer, I'm already feeling lost without the things that have been staples to my day for the past ten months.  Mostly, I feel lost without my students.

I love this picture.  I could have chosen the nice one that was taken before this where they are all nicely smiling and proudly displaying the certificates they earned for achieving honor roll status.  This one, however, sums up this class much better.  Also, it is worth noting that this was a Friday and it was "Crazy Hair Day."  I do not make a habit out of showing up to school/work looking like this.

I'm in a limbo where my previous students are no longer mine, and I don't yet have names or faces of the students with whom I can look forward to working.  My students were what kept me busy, both in and out of school.  During the school year, I always had something I could be doing for them... grading their papers, planning lessons and activities for them, making PowerPoints, responding to their parents' e-mails, reading books that they recommended to me - the list goes on and on.  While these things seemed mildly stressful and inconvenient during the year, I actually miss them.  And more than I miss doing the work, I miss the kids.

Although the pictures might indicate otherwise, we really did get some learning done this year.

I enjoyed coming home after school and recounting the funny comments the students had made throughout the day or remembering the really great moments of teaching and learning that had happened during the day.

Secondly, I'm feeling lost without my co-workers.  The last day of school was bitter-sweet, not only becuase I was saying goodbye to my students, but because I was saying goodbye to a group of co-workers that has been more like family to me than anything else.  Barbara, our team leader, said to us (while fighting back tears) that in her more than thirty years of teaching experience, this has been the best team with which she has worked.  And I believe her... we all do.  Our administrators definitely knew what they were doing when they designed our team.  We worked incredibly well together, and always had each other's back.  There was no fighting or drama... not even really a disagreement.  It's hard for me to even think back to last summer at about this time when we were all meeting for the first time, but I remember thinking even then that this was going to be a group of people that was going to blend well together.  And my expectations were far surpassed.  We became friends outside of work, most of the time spending at least one day or night of our weekend together.

Some of us even began graduate school together.  In thinking about who my closest friends are, my co-workers and teammates would be some of the first people I would mention.  It's hard to imagine returning to school in the fall and not having the same team there waiting for me.  Adam has taken a 5th grade teaching position at Kooser Elementary, which will drastically change the dynamic of our team.  Taylor got her job back, but may or may not be on our team, depending on who Adam's replacement is.  I'm very thankful to have had the great year together that we did - it was a year that I will never forget.  At the same time, I'm nervous about the unexpected year that is to come, given the changes that are and will be taking place.

Lastly, I'm feeling lost in my faith.  I've been reading some books and engaging in some discussions that have really challenged my thinking and my beliefs.  Don't get me wrong, I've never ever felt like I've had everything figured out in terms of religion or faith, but for the first time in my life, I am having doubts.  I don't doubt at all that there is a God, but I have doubts about much of what I have been taught to believe.  I'm frustrated with all the questions that I have and I'm ashamed for having questions or doubts at all.  More to come on that topic.

Cartoonist Jhonen Vasquez once said, "There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it."  So, as my summer begins, in attempt to "do something about it," I'll be working on lesson plans for next year, planning an outing or two with my co-workers, and continuing to explore my faith and beliefs.  Perhaps this summer won't be so boring after all.

T Minus One Week

August 12th marked the one-week point. Only one more week until students would be walking through our doors. One week did NOT seem like enough time to get everything done.

Construction continued to move forward; every time I went somewhere, I discovered something new that had been installed or finished. I got all of my classroom supplies unpacked (HOORAY!) and I got my room all set up. Adam and I stayed late to finish our rooms. Poor Barbara hurt her foot yesterday and has to wear a walking boot. Rachael finished making the students' schedules, so we finally have a list of names of our students! Hour by hour and day by day, this was starting to feel more real.

Moving Day

August 10, 2009 was the day we had all been waiting for. We received an e-mail late the week before letting us know that we could FINALLY start moving in our things.

We started the day with a tour through the building. We were in awe of how beautiful our new school was - such rich colors, the elegant tiles, and the lovely woodwork that is everywhere! My favorite feature is all of the light that pours in from the outdoors. That natural lighting seems to bring in such a positive energy.

After taking in all of Schoo's beauty, however, reality set in. The construction was still not done. Construction workers were everywhere. There was plywood on the floors of the hallways, the academic connections rooms weren't finished, and the worst thing of all (in my germophobic mind) was that there was still no soap in the bathrooms. "It will all get done eventually," I kept reassuring myself.

The rest of our day was spend entirely on opening boxes. Boxes of books, boxes of suppplies, boxes of bookshelves... boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes. Opening and sorting, opening and sorting.

Overall, it was an exhausting day, but also a very good one. I'm finally able to picture in my head how things at Schoo will be this year. Things became more real that day, and I was just sure that it was going to be a great year!

In the Boxes on the Semis...

All of our stuff was packed up in boxes and loaded on semis. We had access to nothing. As I sat around enjoying the lazy days of summer, all I could do was think about all of my teachers' guides that were in the boxes on semis, instead of being in my possession. If only I could have had them during the summer, I would have felt so much more prepared. I could have planned out elaborate lessons with fun projects and experiments. I could have made PowerPoints and study guides. I could have searched for additional resources to share with my class. Instead, I sat around playing solitaire and chess on my brand-new MacBook.

I am a planner, and I need to know (rather, I think I need to know) what is ahead, both in the short term and in the long term. I had high hopes of filling the pages of my lesson plan book (which was also in a box on the semis) before school even started.

I longed to decorate my classroom with colorful posters. I wanted to stock the cabinets with the brand-new school supplies. I wanted to arrange the desks and write on the white boards and stamp the textbooks with the "Property of Schoo Middle School" stamp. The posters, the supplies, and the Schoo stamp were all packed up in the boxes on the semis, and these things just had to wait. To appease my need to be in possession of something that would eventually be in my classroom, I went shopping. I spent hundreds of dollars on school supplies for my students and packed my car with my new purchases. Those school supplies came with me everywhere I went as we awaited the day when we would finally be able to unpack the boxes on the semis.

Finally, that day came.

A Moment of Truth

One of the things that I was most looking forward to in advance of the opening of Schoo was the diverse population that our school was expecting. As a girl from a small town, I have come to realize what was missing from my educational career - the opportunity to know and work with people who are "different" than me.

One of my most favorite professional development days was the day when we took a bus tour through the neighborhoods from which our students would be coming. It was truly eye-opening. We began in the Highlands - a nice neighborhood with seemingly average-sized homes. Across the highway, we drove through the sunny Fallbrook neighborhood, where the homes were bigger, and the grass was greener (literally, not necessarily figuratively). From there, we drove to the Air Park neighborhood. Although these neighborhoods are relatively close in proximity, they are not similar at all. The homes were smaller, many of them appearing as though they might collapse at any minute. The bus ride through that neighborhood reminded me of those drives my parents used to take us on whenever my brother and I complained about the rough life we thought we had. The drives "south of the tracks" that were intended to make us grateful for all that we had been given. These kids would have to board the buses earlier in the morning than I hope to wake up.

There is much to be learned about people and cultures and customs and traditions, and I believe that learning about them first-hand is the only way. Sure, it was nice to have holiday parties at school and to be able to call that three-week vacation at the end of the year "Christmas Break." It was easy to go to a school where the teachers all looked like me and spoke a language which I understood. I never had to deal with going to school over my religious holidays or pack a lunch because the school cafeteria's food choice conflicted with my mandatory diet. If I needed a Band-Aid, I could be sure that the color of the bandage would match the color of my skin. I said the Pledge of Allegience to a flag of my home country. So many of these seemingly little things are a big deal to many of my students. I hope that my students appreciate the opportunities that they have to experience the kind of diversity we have at Schoo. It is truly wonderful. I am learning so much, and, for that, I am grateful.

Fail.

Truly, I intended to start this blog months ago when my journey as a brand-new teacher at the brand-new Schoo Middle School began. I failed.

In a perfect world, I would journal every day and document each day of my experiences as a new teacher. We all know that this isn't a perfect world, and I know that I can not follow through with that kind of a commitment.

This is my poor attempt to recall all of the excitement/stress/nervousness that is my first year...

When I received the call in January to interview with Lincoln Public Schools, I was elated. Prior to filling out any applications, I had deemed LPS as the "Plan A." I love Lincoln, and I love even more the schools in which I have been blessed to work over the last four years, and I love most the people with whom I have worked - students, families, and staff members. The journey from that point on is a whirlwind for me.

One day, I was interviewing in the LPS District Office. A few days later, I interviewed with the administrators of Schoo Middle School. Within the next week, I had my first teaching job. Over the winter break, I had come to terms with the possibility that I wouldn't be so lucky to work in Lincoln. My "Plan B" at that point was to move to Chicago, a place where I was sure would have plenty of openings. I even kind of liked the idea of picking up everything that I had and everything that I knew and moving to a place where everything would be unfamiliar. As spontaneous (something I am NOT) as that sounds, it was a sense of relief to have a job that I felt comfortable with in a place that I couldn't wait to officially call home.

FAST FORWARD...

Because Schoo Middle School is new, we were blessed to be given ten days of professional development over the summer. On these days, we really got to know each other as a staff, talked about our collective vision for what Schoo Middle School would be, and begin making plans for the year.

Instantly, I could tell that our staff was going to work. We clicked. This was our school. We, together, created a vision and a mission, and we, together, would get to see it through. What a unique opportunity we had in doing so! I love everything about the ideas in which we believe... the culture of collaboration, the focus on every student as an individual, and the pursuit of improving our students' performance. While these work days were beneficial and necessary, it was hard to picture what things would be like. All this work was being done for students who we didn't yet know. All this planning being done for a building we were not yet allowed to enter.

Although I was not sure exactly what to expect, I remained focused and excited throughout the journey.

Attempted Update

Blogging is one thing that I swore I would keep up with this semester. FAIL! It is unbelievable how many things I find myself doing in a day, and blogging, unfortunately, has taken a back seat to everything else.

I feel like a lot has happened to me since I last posted. My student teaching experience is going amazingly well. I ended my first eight weeks in Language Arts, and have nothing but good things to say about my experience. I had the luxury of running the classroom independently from week two of the year; my cooperating teacher was never more than an earshot away, but she thought that I would be most successful if I had the chance to run the classroom the way I wanted to without pressure from her to do it her way. It was nice, and the students responded very well to the new ideas that I implemented in the classroom. My students were wonderful, and we had a lot of fun and did a lot of great projects!

One of the things that I loved the most were my literature circles. They were in groups of four and met twice a week. They would read a certain amount of pages out of a novel and complete two "roles," including: vocabulary enricher, artful artist, discussion director, passage picker, investigator, summarizer, connector, and literary luminary. When they met in their literature groups, they would share with the rest of the group what they had done. The kids really liked being able to discuss the parts of the book that they wanted to, and they loved being able to work in groups.

During my first eight-week placement, I had an interview with Lincoln Public Schools, and was hired to teach sixth grade at Schoo Middle School. I will be teaching Language Arts, Social Studies, and Math. I'm very excited to have the opportunity to open a new school and be a part of everything that is involved with it. I mention this job because it affected my second eight-week placement...

I was originally scheduled to spend my second eight-weeks teaching 7th grade Social Studies. Since I found out that I will be teaching sixth grade, however, my Language Arts cooperating teacher suggested that I move into the classroom of another teacher on my team who teaches social studies and math. It made perfect sense to me, but I would soon come to find out that there were many hoops to jump through to make that happen. My University Supervisor has basically neglected me (to date, I have only been observed once), so she was of little to no help in getting this to work out. I contacted Dave Van Horn, and he was supportive of the switch, but needed approval from Tom McGowan. To make a long story short, I did get the approval to stay in sixth grade on my team. Apparently, they are going to use me as a research subject, as the national trend in education colleges is to have school districts hire teachers after their junior year of college and them have them student teach in the exact school, grade level, and content area in which they have been hired to teach. I imagine that this will involve follow-up with me next year to find out what the benefits were of knowing the content and curriculum ahead of time.

My experience has been wonderful. I am working with the same teacher whom I was with during last year's practicum, so I was already familiar with her teaching style. Also, since I was able to stay on my team, I already knew all of the students, which made for a much smoother and more seamless transition. There was much sickness on my team as well, and my local substitute certificate has come in quite handy. In a very short amount of time, I used up nine of my ten sub days, but the experience (and the money!) was very nice.

So far, I think it has been a huge benefit to be able to see the sixth grade social studies and math curriculum. Additionally, I have a math intervention class every other day, which has been a valuable learning experience for me. Especially because I am not endorsed in math, I am glad that I get a refresher before I am handed the teachers' manual next year. In Social Studies, when we return from Spring Break, we will begin our unit on Latin America, which I am excited about. The kids really enjoy social studies, which makes it fun to teach.