Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Not Measuring Up

I am a very flawed human being.  I know that is not news to any of you.

Topping the list of arenas in my life where I have fallen short is the arena of friendship.  I have been a lousy friend.  I ran into one of my old roommates downtown last weekend, and realized that I hadn't talked to her for months.  Seeing her reminded me that I haven't seen or talked to one of my other former roommates since her wedding last December.  And a few weekends ago in Wayne, America, I saw my third former roommate for the first time in ages.  We used to talk daily and see each other many times each week.  Furthermore, a good friend of mine pointed out to me a big mistake I made regarding a previous blog post that was and had further potential to be misunderstood.

I have been spending a lot of time recently with my co-worker friends.  I have become closer to them in the past several months than I ever dreamed would be possible.  I am so blessed to have them in my life.  And for that, I have no regrets.

I do regret, however, that I have neglected to properly nurture some of the pre-existing friendship circles to which I belong.

I understand that life happens.
I understand that circumstances change.
I understand that not all friendships are forever.

Those things being said, I have no excuse for not at least attempting to check in with the other people who really matter to me.  I have no excuse for not making time for a dinner date or even a phone date.  And while I understand that the phone works both ways, I also understand that I have no excuse for not making the first move.

Similarly, I have been a bad sister, daughter, and grandchild.

My family means the world to me, yet I haven't instigated a conversation with them in a long time.  I wait for them to call me, which, thankfully, they are very good about doing.  I hate that I only talk to my parents a couple of times per week.  I hate that I talk to my grandmother even less than that.

Friends and family, I am sorry.  I'm sorry for letting the events in my life get in the way of maintaining good contact with you all.  I'm sorry for not calling.  I'm sorry for not visiting.  Although my actions do not reflect it, I deeply care for you all.

I will try to do better.  I am praying for help.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon

1 comment:

rachel said...

Allysa, I totally understand how you feel. It's a way of life though. Friends come in and out of your life. I haven't seen my parents since May. I haven't seen my bro and sis since the beginning of June. You lead a very busy life (as do I) and we can only make time for things or people that are closest to us. I haven't seen certain classmates since the semester ended, but now all I do is hang with my coworkers. Needless to say, when school starts up again I will probably abandon my coworkers for my classmates.

So just know that you are not the only one going through this!!